Learning From Ourselves to Help Others

Psychologists are not infallible. We are human beings with our own challenges. Like anyone else, we struggle with relationships, anxiety, depression, panic, and the stressors that come with life. Through years of training, we learn theory and clinical methods for helping others manage these issues. But while we may learn to help others quickly, it often takes longer to apply that same knowledge to ourselves.

Some of the most talented psychologists I know face deeply personal and complex struggles. Witnessing this—and experiencing it myself—has shown me the importance of cultivating a strong personal growth mindset. I believe that my willingness to engage in my own self-work has been essential to my development not only as a person, but also as a psychologist. I strive to use my lived experiences for the benefit of those I work with.

Like anyone, my life has had moments that required resilience and growth. These experiences have shaped who I am: open-minded, curious, and intuitive. They’ve also deepened my empathy in a way I don’t believe would have been possible otherwise. This empathy has led to a sincere and enduring desire to help others.

It wasn’t until later in life that I recognized two of my greatest strengths: my capacity to be vulnerable with others, and my ability to offer genuine, authentic connection. I bring both of these qualities into every therapy session. Why? Because they help me build trust—something foundational to the therapeutic relationship.

Why should a client trust a stranger with their most private thoughts and fears if they sense guardedness or distance? Many of the topics clients bring into session are deeply sensitive. For example, individuals with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) often experience intrusive thoughts that they believe to be profoundly taboo. And yet, I have never heard anything from a client that shocked me. My aim in these moments is to normalize their experience, validate their emotions, and embody what therapists call unconditional positive regard—a stance that communicates, “No matter what you tell me, it won’t change how I see you.”

I know this isn’t the only way to do therapy—and it certainly won’t resonate with everyone—but it’s the way that feels most real and effective for me. When trust is mutual and the therapeutic space feels safe and honest, I’ve found that meaningful work can happen. Clients come with their own unique needs and preferences, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. That said, I’ve found that my style—shaped by both personal experience and clinical insight—tends to foster deeper connection. I've generally received positive feedback and appreciation for this approach. In my experience, clients respond well to genuineness and openness, often sharing more—and more quickly—than when I practiced in a more rigid, less personable way.